Everything thing I do has been an uphill battle. Now I face my toughest challenge staring me down. Your dream so close you could taste victory yet you know that this Titan has other plans. He is your inner half. He knows everything you do and knows how to use it against you. He gets inside you and begins tearing away at your determination and heart. You begin to question if the dream you have always wanted was just a waste. You fall in the dark abyss of depression as you fall on hard times while having this abomination laughing and screeching at your demise. Just waiting for you to give up and become one of his many minions. But there is one thing he can't take from me. He can never break me because I have the will to make it. To push on and renew my heart for the fight to come. Backing me up so that no matter what happens I know that I gave it one hell of a fight. It isn't how you start the fight but how you finish it. You may get knocked down and hurt. But how quick are you gonna get up? Not where you are but where your going. That dream has a purpose in your life and you can't give up just because of some problems. YOU GET BACK UP AND PROVE WHY YOUR THERE. SHOW THEM WHY YOU AREN'T COUNTED OUT. That Titan is going to be surprised when you show him that the fight isn't going to be as easy as he wanted. Making him back up and wonder if it was smart to push you. TIME TO PROVE WHAT WE CAN DO.

Everybody around me all happy and feeling good but even though it brings a smile, it is a hollow one. One that is only a facade to what i really feel. I don't fell like I have ever been loved..... My entire life i have been brought down, made fun of, pushed around, never been respected, people always trying to make me fail. I just can't stand it. The pressure has been building and building on my shoulder. the weight is crushing my lungs and i find i can't breath. all of these things holding me back and trying to destroy me. My goal is already nearly impossible but when you have people trying to stop you it just makes that goal that much harder. i try to fight through it all. running up the hill for one last shot at my dream. It is all or nothing and with everybody against me it will be one hell of a battle to reach the top but when i do i will finally know peace and happiness but that isn't what drives me. there is something more. some inner purpose that drives and fuels my rage. Why i will put down any that get in my way and try to stop me. It drives me to my limits and tells me i have no limitations, that the world can be conquered by anything, worlds can change, you can become that what you have always wanted by holding on to this one sacred thing that everyone holds dear to them. Hope. Just Hope, Hope shows us what we can do and become, what we believe and show. The dreams and endless possibilities all because of us keeping hope close to our hearts. If i ever lose this hope that drives me, then i will be forever doomed, but to let down the hope of others that would want to follow in my footsteps then i can not falter. No, not even an inch, i have to keep going to show them the way and to make their hope grow. It isn't just about one person but many trying to reach their dreams. Hope is our source of power and it grows as we grow. The more of us then the less we fear and the father we grow in our abilities. But fear is our enemy. The people that have already failed use fear to try and make us one of them because they think we are trying to take away what they wanted. We are just trying to reach our fate but they are jealous and want to stop us. If you ever try to stop me then i am sorry but i will take you out no matter how much it hurts me. You won't stop me from what i have desired all my life and if you try then i will grieve for you. and if you are following me and trying to reach your dreams then i will be there with a strong hand and a warm heart as we all try for the impossible. But the thing is no one can control what will happen and that is what i am afraid of.

Yeah. If you know me and my computer then this is a feat indeed. Never before has my computer ever loaded anything over 5 mb. Now it took on the challenge of 16 mb and it worked. lol. Thank you firefox. Now anybody that wants to talk to me just look up DeadSilence2010 and I will be happy to chat.

Why is that every time you see some one that gets hurt or made fun of says the person that did it is their friend. I am sorry but you need to stop B.S.ing yourself and actually look at your life because you are on a one way train straight to dissapointment. They have never been nor will ever be your friends. I keep having people that think I will be their friends if they piss me off. They better get their stuff straight. No one deserves to take abuse from a so called friend. I mean you can have disagreements but to disgrace yourself time and time again. Please end it now and either kick their butts or get away from them. I have a friend that wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and he got himself bloodied up and half-dead because of an insane iniciation. What in the world. Trying to fight three people at once with a blindfold on. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! That isn't a fight. That is man slaughter. I showed them though. Me and a few buddies evened it up with a few bats the next day. If you got a friend trying to do stuff like this pull him to the side and stop him before he has to go to the hospital for it. I don't care if you don't even like him yourself. You don't want to be more like those @$$#OLES. DO YOU?

I thought i have been sore before while working with construction and helping with moving and cutting logs. Back, Arms, and Legs have been kind of sore from all that work, but none of it compares to what I did the last two days. I went with a friend to help with his baseball team to get ready for the all-stars. They were really good but wanted to save their pitchers for the real games so they asked if I would pitch. I didn't have anything better to do so I said sure, and i wasn't going to pitch my fastest so I thought it would save my arm. Well as it went the kids were hitting and fielding great. But with me having to pitch to 15 kids and 30 pitches each. It got to my arm. I didn't feel it after the practice because of the adrenaline, but when I tried to go to sleep my body tooks a shot at me. It was so painful that i had to punch my legs and arms just to get them numb. When that started to hurt I bit down on my pillow. I was in for a long night. Then today I had a baseball practice and my body didn't feel bad anymore so I thought I could push it a little. When we did long toss I went from 210 feet to 240 feet to try and push my arm and body. It went terrible. My arm started to throb and my legs began to wobble from the heat and stress I was under. I had been throwing 270 feet the other week but I had a lot of time to let my body recover. Now I was paying for that mistake. I blacked out and had to sit out the rest of practice. I am still at home sore as heck and wishing I could take my mind of the pain. So if you are having a bad two days just know that you aren't the only one. OUCH. >.< .... Maybe I will heal before next practice.

I wonder if anybody else is out there training hard to make a dream come true. They say doing something you love is like not working at all. Well I love Baseball and I train everyday whether it is working on my motions, looking at tape, or pitching. I know there are millions of others that wish that had a job or something they were doing that they loved. If so talk to me about it. I will talk about any sport and any other hobbies. If you love it then talk about it and lets get you set up to meet those great dreams. I am so close to reaching my goal of playing Baseball, but it gets lonely when I am the only one there so lets work together. Training is just a minor obstacle for you to overcome. What really hurts you is your mind so don't let it. Always tell yourself you got what it takes and you can go anywhere or do anything you want. So let me talk to you and help you get there.