KissableBabe's Blog

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MANANGEMENT 101 8 June 2010 2:52 AM - 2 comments

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she
opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving
a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy...
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the
story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

IDIOT SIGHTING : 29 May 2010 7:16 AM - 1 comments

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave
the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4..25, so I also handed her a quarter..

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but
they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me
back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that
one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the
opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady,
you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and
he said,
'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING
sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here! I don't think this is a
good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Winnipeg , Manitoba .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Toronto , Ontario .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that
it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership

STAY ALERT! They walk among us...

WANTING 29 May 2010 7:08 AM - 0 comments

Wanting

Wanting,
lusting,
to be held,
to be loved,
to feel warmth,
to feel your beating heart.
Wanting to be sheltered from the cold,
heartless winds.
Falling into invisible arms;
into an abyss of love.
Wishing,
hoping,
that my desires will be filled;
my desires of loving warmth.
Wanting to be held,
comforted,
loved.
Dreaming of passionate embraces,
of tender kisses,
loving words,
romantic nights.
Waiting for undying love.

Nice poem Dawn :D

Hmmm Coming from my Dad ...... LMHSSAO 28 May 2010 12:42 PM - 0 comments

What Gets Longer When Pulled,

Fits Between your Boobs,

Inserts Neatly in a Hole

AND works best when it is jerked?

SCROLL DOWN.............................

A Seat belt you pervert!

Buckle up!

alt

Always enjoy a good story!! 25 May 2010 12:10 PM - 0 comments

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Saskatchewan prairies
without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last
breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground
several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a Revenue Canada ID badge and a dull grey dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie..You know how I work....You have
three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a
Revenue Canada genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK!, I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen
And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

** *POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

alt

Too funny 25 May 2010 12:06 PM - 0 comments

Hehehe funny as...Lmhssao

alt

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 56).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:

“What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his

response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid …………

“Got stoned once and screwed a peacock.

I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

TWO WOLVES 18 May 2010 12:24 AM - 0 comments

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside
people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity,
guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I called life line last night 11 May 2010 3:47 AM - 1 comments

Just a joke no hard feelings

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Arseholes.................

His & Hers Diaries 11 May 2010 3:43 AM - 0 comments

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

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HIS DIARY

My Snowmobile wouldn't start today, can't figure out why, but at least I got laid.

Tears of joy & happiness 10 May 2010 2:23 PM - 2 comments

I received this poem with a red rose from my princess & I cried as it was being read to me & my daughter was rubbing my cheek saying no mama.There wasn't a dry eye in the house while it was being read.I wanted to share it with you to enjoy also.

This was the most special first Mother's Day there ever could be,got spoiled...excited for many more yrs to come.
Thank you my princess for making my first Mother's Day so very special
Mommy loves you with all her heart & soul <333
Also thanks to my parents & family<3

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