Things Ash has said that make her look intelligent...

1. Did you know turtles have tails?

2. Whens valentines day?

3. Can you put a lollipop on layby?

4. Do cows jump in the back of the trucks?

5. My lips are burning because i accidentally put deoderant on them cause i was holding the bottle in my mouth.

6. Is Dr Phils name phil

Plus many many more if ya want to know them just talk to her for 5mins...

Songs shes attempted to make number 1 hits...

Chookinator likes potator it makes her masturbator.

Silly billy wrap your willy and let me fuck it sillyyyyy.

Ashie pashie pudding and pie kissed the boys and made them cry and when the girls came out to play she kissed them too cause she was gay.

Dear Dr Harry,

I've known a overly obese pig named pumbaa for some time now and at first thought she was just pregnant but after 21yrs of waiting and no baby piglet im quite concerned for the safety of the other pigs so if you could just get a shot gun and put her out of her misery before she causes a natural disaster that would be greatly appreciated. =)

                                    PUMBAA THE BIG FAT HAIRY SLUT PIG

from ya totally awesome concerned citizen, MR FATASS

List of things pumbaa has done to hurt the community:

1. she farts directly into the path of the known lepricorn trail and ive had a number of reports from the lepricorn community about there health concerns.

2. the dints made on the ground from her are so deep people stand in them and break there ankles.

List of things shes done to hurt me:

1. called me fatass x 49830 times

2. jumped on me and caused me pain x 1784 times

3. forced me to give her cuddles which in turn suffocated me x 983 times

4. stole my food from me x 2316 times

5. caused trauma to my eyes x 7335 times

6. forced to go get her food or she'd make me smell her armpit x 5639 times

7. threatened to eat me x 30987 times

Cost of keeping pumbaa alive:

$908,837,931

Cost of slaughtering her and serving her for xmas dinner:

Free!!!!!!!!!

                         SAVE THE PLANET KILL A PIG!!

                                                                                              (kirsty01 in particular)

1. If you are chocking on an ice cube don't panic. Simply pour a kettle of freshly boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid argument with the missus about lifting toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High Blood pressure sufferers: Make an incision in your left or right wrist and bleed yourself for several hours, reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough

7. Avoid the mess when your toilet backs up, use the yard.

Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.

Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

Pay your electric bill in coins.

Drive to work in reverse.

Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule" and let him figure it out.

Polish your car with earwax.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Braid the hairs in each nostril.

Write a short story using alphabet soup.

Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy 
you will have, you are normal. 
If you think all day about your next beer, 
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

such wonderful things yet i dont get enuff of them

and i dont know if its because of my abnormally large head getting in the way or if im just not very cuddly looking

buuuuuutttt.....

ive upgraded to cuddles with kirst so if anyone else just wants to upgrade me feel free =)

but only chicks lol  i said good day