In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

- Unknown

A mother stopped by, unannounced, at her son's
> house.
>
>
>
> She knocked on the door then immediately walked
> in. She was
>
> shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the
> couch, totally naked.
>
>
>
> Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume
> filled the
>
> room.
>
>
>
> 'What are you doing?' she asked.
>
>
>
> 'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work'
> the
>
> daughter-in-law answered.
>
>
>
> 'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
>
>
>
> 'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
> explained.
>
>
>
> 'Love dress? But you're naked!'
>
>
>
> 'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
> explained.
>
>
>
> 'Every time he sees me in this dress, he
> instantly becomes
>
> romantic and ravages me for hours.'
>
>
>
> The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
> undressed,
>
> showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the
> lights, put on a romantic CD,
>
> and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to
> arrive.
>
>
>
> Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and
> saw her lying
>
> there so provocatively.
>
>
>
> ' What are you doing?' he asked.
>
>
>
> 'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
> sensually.
>
> 'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
>

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He
> had no arms and no Legs.
> Three women were walking past and felt sorry for
> the poor man.
> The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
> The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked
> on.
> The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
> The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and
> walked on.
> The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you
> ever been f#cked?'
> The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he
> said, 'No.'
> She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'